Listen: The Trick to Get Anyone to Like You
People when they’re dating or try to be more social and better with people, they constantly focus on what they should say. But much of the time, really the answer to what you should say is: nothing.
The thing about saying things and giving advice is that people might not necessarily like what you say, but literally everyone likes to be listened to. Everyone likes to share their stories, share their feelings, to talk and be heard. So if you offer a listening ear, they’ll immediately feel closer to you.
You should listen to someone with complete attention, make them feel like they’re the most important thing to you at the moment (because they are). And after they’re finished with their answer, ask another question. Never interject with a story or opinion before they finish their thought. At most, in between what they say you reply with a nod or an ‘ahhhh’. Sure share your stories and your own opinions, but only after they do.
And most importantly, whether whatever they say you agree or disagree with, listen to them nonjudgmentally. That doesn’t mean you don’t ever judge or give criticism, it just means that when the other person is sharing, don’t judge, don’t make them feel like they’re being examined, just listen without thinking. Even if they have the stupidest ideas, make them feel completely comfortable and open with you.
Philosophically, a great listener is one who has a genuine curiosity towards everyone. Even if someone initially seems boring, everyone has fascinating stories and interesting viewpoints to share. Even if you think someone is objectively ‘worse’ than you, there will always be something they’re better than you at, or something they say that is important that you didn’t know. A bad listener is stuck in his own head, and closes himself off from the rest of human experience. That is far worse than someone who’s blind or deaf.
Most of the time, people constantly interrupt, they try to dominate a conversation, foist their opinions, and are more interested in talking about themselves than listening. Many people, even the ones who are popular, and especially the ones who are antisocial, they might not have had someone listen to them for years. Finally providing them a listening ear, is the greatest expression of love, the most beautiful gift you can offer to them. They will be deeply touched, their lives will be transformed, as they finally experience a glimpse of love and happiness, that every human craves for.